Thanks for all your emails...

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rusticdog
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Thanks for all your emails...

Tue Jan 06, 2009 3:45 pm

I had to chuckle when I got this......


My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year...

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I can no longer buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.


Have a wonderful day!

By the way....A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail
with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late... !!


PS - Have a great New Year
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mjp28
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Location: anytown, OHIO
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Re: Thanks for all your emails...

Tue Jan 13, 2009 3:56 pm

That was good, especially the "hand on mouse" thing.

I thought it was going to get "strange-er" for a second. :nono
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mjp28
Travelling Tuatara
Location: anytown, OHIO
Posts: 59
Joined: Fri Dec 19, 2008 5:08 am

Re: Thanks for all your emails...

Sat Aug 07, 2010 10:44 am

This is still funny.

I might update it for my year end greetings.

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